Friday, July 26, 2013

Positivity and Blessings

Since I went to bed at 8am I woke up at 2pm. I was feeling apprehensive about the day. My mother had called me twice. I ignored both her calls. I cracked in a moment of guilty weakness and called her back but it went straight to voicemail which I took as a sign that taking a step back is the right thing to do right now. People can think I'm crazy for my belief in signs and divine guidance but it makes my life feel meaningful and helps me feel connected to the whole universe. The world is a magical place, we just have to look for it. 

After I called my mom I took a moment to gather myself and get in the mindset of attempting to have a good, relaxing day. I decided to check my work emails- I received a couple of really encouraging and helpful emails from some of the people I was networking to. One was this woman who is in charge of a lot of the Maternal Child services in Middlesex County. She gave me four resources off the bat. She then invited me to come to the office any time, gave me the office supervisor's number and said when she comes back from vacation she'll set up and appt with me to help me as much as she can. She even asked if I wanted to sit in on Maternal Child Health committee meetings. I networked to 1 person and she's all ready to set me up with like 5 different people! I'm so excited! Then! I weighed myself and lost SIX pounds this week!!! It felt like the Cheer-up Fairy came by and paid me a visit. When I trusted myself enough to touch my phone again I saw that I received an adorable message from Derek, "You're going to have to see me tonight. I got your other gift. I know we just hung out last night, sorry you have to see me two days in a row." This made me giggle. Oh no... The horror. Of course I wanna see him two days in a row! As a matter of fact how bout we just keep this rolling until forever, lol. Last night I decided to live my life the way I want to and today I woke up to a lot of positivity and blessings. And!!! My razorback maxi dresses finally came in the mail after I ordered them at the beginning of the summer! Life is really good. 

I just saw my nephew, yesterday was his birthday. I love that little asshole. He has this tough guy persona like his parents but he's really just a lonely kid looking for love and encouragement.  
"Hey Alec!" I said from the kitchen. 
"What? I'm busy."
"What's worse than birthday punches?" I stood at the doorway of my brother's room.
"Leave me alone, I'm doing something," as he said this he smirked and tensed up.
"BIRTHDAY KISSES!!!" I give him a tight hug from behind and start counting out kisses.
"No!!! Leave me alone you crazy old bat! Stooooop!" He curled in a ball and turned magenta giggling and screaming for help.
"Gimme those cheeks!!!"
"This IS so much worse than birthday punches!!! Just hit me and leave!"
"14... and 15! Muah! Okay... I'm walking out of the room now... bye..." I said in an exaggerated far away voice as I stood next to him waiting for him to uncurl from his ball. After a few seconds he peeked his head out and I got the good luck kiss on his cheek. 
"Dammit... Okay, you're done, go away."
"I love you."
"I know."

A few months ago when I was thinking about moving to Philly (April?) I meditated and envisoned what I wanted for my life if I could wave a magic wand. I saw myself thinner with long hair and some tattoos. I saw myself relaxed and happy. Ideally I would met a sweet, compassionate tattooed man who would have the qualities of being a great husband and father. I imagined becoming an advocate for women and children and mental health reform. I saw myself working on Clinton campaign and getting to watch a woman become president of our country. Eventually I saw myself making a difference in the world. 
I am so passionate about my vision. In the last week I've been so frustrated with the services available for children. A college friend wrote a facebook post saying that because her son basically wasn't severely delayed he couldn't get extra resources. She's a pediatric nurse as well and she knows his speech and fine motor skills are behind but because he looks like a normal little boy he was denied coverage. It's been happening more and more and it is extremely upsetting because there are so many children being born and not enough resources for them. 
Yesterday I called a doctors office to make an appt for the daughter of a 15 year old girl. It's been about a month and the infant has not been seen once by a pediatrician. The grandmother told me they weren't letting her make an appt because she didn't physically have the insurance card. I found it hard to believe so I called myself. I explained the situation and the lady was very short with me and was like, "If she doesn't have the card then we can't see her." 
"She should be under her mother's insurance for the first 2 months. Use the mother's insurance to bill for the visit."
"Although that's true we don't like doing that because sometimes it gives us problems. Until she has her insurance card we can't see her. We have to get paid. I hope you understand," She said with a chuckle. 
"I understand you need to get paid... But! You are essentially telling me the safety and welfare of an infant, who is already at risk because she's had no prenatal care, has an naive and clueless 15 year old mother who IS your patient, is less important than getting paid? If I've understood you correctly I hope you recognize that if anything happens to that little girl it will be because her safety and health was less important that the $150 you'll get from billing her Medicaid. Thank you for your time, I'm going to document this conversation and help the family find compassionate pediatrics office." My cheeks were flushed with anger, my tone was stern. 
"Wait... Okay, she can come in, the earliest appointment I have is..."
Triumph! A very small victory for an escalating problem. 

I could go on and on about this stuff. But I'm gonna enjoy the rest of this awesome day. 

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