I want to be an expert in Parenting. I want the Dr in front of my name be because I made some profound headway in the areas of parenting, childhood development and mental health. Sometimes I have days where everything just clicks in my head and my day ends up having a theme. This morning I woke up checked Facebook and found a beautiful letter a mom wrote her daughter. I'll post the link. It was the reminder I needed to get motivated and do stuff. I called a budget counselor who's going to teach me how to pay my bills and budget my money for free. It's amazing how many resources there are for people which the state doesn't advertise at all.
When this woman was asking me questions I was like, "I'm supposed to keep track of that?", "Files?" Finally I just told her, "Yeah, we're going to be starting at zero. I know nothing about anything when it comes to money." Saying that out loud made me feel really annoyed and embarrassed. Immediately I thought, "I'm never going to put my kids through this." The truth is I'm an awful adult and it really is completely my parents fault. I'm pulling myself out of this giant mess by myself. Fuck... My whole life... if I just had parents who knew what they were doing and weren't emotionally fucked up I would be so different!
I saw my parents this evening. In my head I had this long speech planned where I made they both feel like complete assholes for raising a family when they didn't know what the fuck they were doing. When I got there though, I wasn't angry anymore. If i didn't go through every awful thing that's ever happened to me I wouldn't feel so passionate about helping others. Every time I overcome an obstacle it's a complete relief. Not just for myself but because I now know I will be able to help others get through it too.
Serious voice announcer guy: Have you ever been adopted/raped/beaten/bullied/attempted suicide/had mentally ill parents/come from an abusive household/been in and abusive relationship/had homophobic parents and a gay brother/suffer from an eating disorder or body dysmorphia/stalked/the child of divorced parent/almost lose a sibling to cancer/lose all your possessions in floods your entire childhood and/or been in a car accident? If so and you have serious emotional trauma related to said incident please call Tania and she can relate and give you the resources to get the help you need.
My philosophy is 'always be kind'. If anything my parent's awful parenting has motivated me to really educate myself and educate others not to make the same mistakes. Parenting is all about accepting your kid the way they are and having the patience to treat them with respect and teach them the right way to handle life and become independent. In little ways I teach my parents to be parents. It used to be in big ways and I used to put a lot of effort into it. Now just in the way I act with them I let them know. I correct their behavior when they're being unhealthy and before I leave I give both of them a big hug and kiss and tell my mom to be nice to my dad and tell my dad to be nice to my mom. I've felt like the parent since I was 13 years old. At that age I knew more than them but had none of the power. I like this dynamic better- being equals. When I have a kid I will always let them know that I think they're important and I respect them. My child and I will both be human beings, I'll just have more experience and a devotion to teach.
I guess I'm upset because I'm parenting myself and I feel like I have little support because I'm pretty much one of the sanest people I know... which is saying a lot. BABY STEPS...