Lust is easy. Pining over someone and thinking they're super dreamy and wanting to kiss and hug and mount them. All that's biological. Love is hard. Once the hormones die down and you realize you're two complete individuals who sometimes have bad days and have quirks and faults and imperfections... that's where the challenge begins, that's when you have to use your mind.
Does this person benefit my life? Maybe it sounds selfish but it's probably important to ask yourself that with any relationship. The moment that answer is no then you know you're fighting a losing battle. I want to benefit the lives of others but the truth is I can't go around saving everyone. All I can do is worry about myself and let them know they are loved. I am transitioning from being that girl who is always worried about everyone to a girl who is only worried about myself and how I am affecting the world around me. I've found this makes me much more appealing. People want to hang out with me, people ask me for my advice and my help because I'm working on making myself the best me I can. You teach by example. I am healthy and loving and kind for myself, because being that way makes me feel good and causes less stress than the way I have been living all my life.
Happiness comes from within and is a choice. Having someone in your life will not make you happy but if someone comes into your life who is beneficial you will feel happier. You look forward to seeing them and speaking to them and spending time with them. I'm not necessarily sad when people who benefit my life aren't in it but a difference is noted.
Can I talk to this person? Friendship is important for this particular question. Ever find someone completely sexy you just wish your face was permanently attached to theirs because when they talk it makes you want to die? I'm a silly, intelligent, cultured girl. If every time I make a joke I have to explain it to you... well thats going to get old. I want someone who not only understands where I'm going but takes it there and beyond. I want to be able to talk about real things but just as importantly I want to talk about completely ridiculous things. I want to be able to communicate without even speaking. A look can say volumes, whispers can sometimes be the loudest sound. Communication is what makes or breaks relationships. You can have all the other elements which make a great relationship but if you aren't able to talk to one another about absolutely anything without fear of judgement or rejection then that relationship will crumble.
Do I feel respected by this person? That's really important. If I say something do they hear me? It's as simple as saying, "I don't like not being able to ask to hang out," then the other person saying "I'll work on it." Acknowledging that something is said is important. Even if you fail miserably and have to be reminded a hundred times, them saying they'll try means they respect you enough to try. If someone doesn't respect you their response will be something like, "Whatever." "That's your problem," or my favorite which is complete silence which links respect with communication. Respectful communication is really important. If this is someone you so-call love why would you call her a stupid bitch? And if you care about him in return why call him a worthless asshole? If you attempt to always be kind, even when you're upset you will always respect the other person.
It would be easy to call someone up when I'm lonely. Let them use my body and use theirs in return but when it's all said and done you're just two awkward sweating bodies looking for the best way to exit. Sex is easy. Follow your hormones and instinct and you'll get through it. Love it hard. Love is a daily challenge. Just like deciding everyday to try your best be happy you choose whether you want to fight for that person. You decide whether you love them enough to be patient and stick through their bullshit. Along the road most people forget they once made each other happy and relationships tend to fall apart because one person just stops trying. You can't have a relationship on your own. The way I love people used leave me so vulnerable to getting hurt... Now I understand that people have their own demons and if they can't appreciate my love it's because of their own issues. Just because I understand doesn't mean it isn't exhausting. Wanting to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and still being their friend is hard... Eventually it becomes so exhausting that wanting to be with them isn't something you want anymore. You don't love them any less, you will still be friends but dealing with rejection over and over again and trying not to let it affect you is consuming. It's like getting beaten up by waves. I love the beach and the ocean but once those waves kick my ass I gotta take a step back and admire it from afar. Maybe one day the water won't be so rough but I'm not gonna hold my breath.
*not going to proof read this. I feel like its disjointed and stupid but I'm hitting "publish" anyway.