Sunday, June 16, 2013

Four Fathers

This Father’s day was simple but magical. I spent the day with my brothers, mom, dad and Eddie. It was completely uneventful but the best father’s day we’ve ever had. As I was sitting on my porch enjoying the summer night air with Linus, I began looking back at my childhood.

My father was my first love. Most people dislike my dad because he’s a grumpy old man, lol, but I know a side of my father that is so gentle, loving and kind that I wish the rest of the world could see. My father has taught to be compassionate and empathetic from years of practice being that way with him. Because of him I know that even the scariest and stony of men are capable of love and kindness. My father’s love for me is an endless ocean. He respects my opinions and ideas even when he doesn’t agree.  

The dinner table this evening was electric with nostalgia. My brothers and I took turns teasing one another (Danny always being our fallback, of course). Jr mimed his death behind Danny’s back as Danny told the longest story of my life. Rudy was eating healthy in a muscle shirt, cracking wiseass remarks. I felt like a kid around the dinner table again, spending a day with the men I loved first.

My brothers are 12 and 13 years older than me.  Growing up I had 4 dads.

Danny will be an amazing father one day, he already is. Danny has always been there for me and taught me what healthy parenting is. Danny never hit me or disrespected me; he was always kind and always knew who my friends were and their parents and their numbers and addresses and zodiac signs, etc. Danny was naturally an amazing and involved parent. Danny got me ready for school, fed me, and helped me with homework. He spoiled me and always let me know how much he loved me. Danny taught me trust; he kept all my secrets and didn’t judge me. I’m able to tell Danny anything and I know he will give me at least 3 suggestions on how to handle the situation. He loves me unconditionally. 

Rudy’s always been the family’s douchy beefcake, lol. He always treated me as his equal, when I was 5 he talked to me like I was a person, not a baby. He’d have real conversations with me and would give me responsibilities. The fact that he trusted me gave me confidence in my own abilities. He always built up my confidence and showed me the utmost respect. Rudy always made me feel intelligent and beautiful.

Jr was my best friend and ensured I enjoyed my childhood. Jr taught me how to ride a bike, he played with me, teased me and gave me wedgies and wet willies. He protected my childhood and innocence and encouraged me to dream and then dream bigger and then pursue those dreams. He believed in me and taught me how to believe in myself. He taught me art, music and culture. Jr taught me being different was way cooler than trying to mold myself into what others wanted me to be. Through Jr I learned to be myself, value creativity and be supportive.

I wanna toss my mom in here just because I'm feeling grateful. That woman has taught me laughter and unconditional love. She's been my parent, sister, daughter. She told me to never depend on a man. To get an education and when I'm done learn more and after that keep learning.
I want to note that not one of these four men is my biological father but they all took part in raising me and helping me become the woman I am today. Any success I have was a collaborate effort of my whole family. I value each and every one of them for the best parts of me came from them. My family is flawed and unhealthy but I love the person I am today and I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. I love my life, it's been interesting. I love my family... we're definitely a psychiatrist's wet dream.  

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