Saturday, February 11, 2012

I get by with a little help from my friends

My friends are amazing. It's weird how life brings people together like magnets. As I get older and my friendships mature I only grow closer to these connections. In my life there are people who have stuck it out and allowed me to go crazy and still love me even through the bullshit. Andrea, Caitlin and I were always so close and even though life threw us every which way we've managed to find each other again and fall back where we were. I've even made new friends in Lauren and Victor. It's weird how we've all found each other. We've experienced tragedy and real hardship and talking to all of them is the best therapy because I've realized I'm not alone in the madness. I am so fortunate to have found a group of people who really understand me as a person and even share some of my crazy. For the first time I feel like I belong. These people have become a family to me.
Caitlin has been and always will be my sister. Until the day I die that girl will be my very best friend. I am so lucky to have her. Shes so smart and funny and amazingly talented its ridiculous... I am seriously so glad she's a part of my life. Living in different states has never affected our relationship because there's never been any bitterness there. I've always been able to tell her anything. She's never intentionally hurt my feelings and for that I am very grateful.
Andrea is so much fun. She's silly and funny and really on a journey to finding who she really is. I'm so glad to see the transition in her. As she learns more about herself she's really let me in and allowed me to enter her life. I love being friends with her. She has the best most perverse sense of humor which matches my personality so much.
I gave up on the concept of soulmates after shithead ruined the meaning of it but thinking about it I think I was destined to meet these people. Caitlin and Andrea are really my soulmates. I know I can count on them to hear me when I'm sad (and vice versa) share laughs with me and let me be myself. I don't have to change myself to impress them. The like me for who I am... They LOVE me for who I am. And really they don't have to. I'm not having sex with them or baking them cookies or begging them to love me. They just do. Life brought us together. I needed these girl because they've shown me that nothing about me is too scary to love. I feel like that's a true soul mate. I didn't talk to Andrea for a year or two and then out of no where our friendship just fell back together. There have been months when I don't see or hear from Caitlin but my love for her never wanes or falters because of it. The understanding of knowing we're best friends and always will be is so reassuring. Every time I see her it's like no time has gone by at all. Knowing that no matter what you do or where you go there's someone out there who loves you even though they dont have to... Well, Caitlin and her love has saved my life probably more times than she knows.
Anthony is another friend I'm so glad I have in my life. Honestly if we ever break up I hope I can put aside my emotions to remain friends. I don't think he's ever let someone in like he has let me into his life and I don't think any other man understands me more than he does. I really hope we stay together. He has so much growing to do and honestly so do I. Goodness knows he's put up with his fair share of crazy bullshit from me. Honestly the only thing he's ever asked of me was to allow myself to be happy. He is endlessly supportive. I can't help but want to return the favor.
Caitlin, Anthony, Andrea, Lauren, and Victor are incredible people who have entered my life and have chosen to like me for exactly who I am. People always say friends are more meaningful because they're the family you choose but I honestly feel like no conscious decision was made on my part. Life brought us together and has made me a better person for it. I am so blessed.

Ps it is 3:37am... Note to self: don't drink 2 cups of coffee at 1am. I've made a powerful mistake, haha.

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