Celebrating Life

Happy Birthday, Anthony!!!

Today (or yesterday as it took me like a minute to figure out how to post a picture) was Anthony's birthday! I am so happy he was born! We have been through so much together. He's seen me at my worst; heart broken, jobless, dysfunctional... you name it, he's seen it. Yet here he is and I could not be more please.

Although the birthday Grinch was tantrum prone at the start of the day (I took today off) it melted away within seconds of seeing how enthusiastic I was about his birthday. I spoiled the poo out of him (honestly, I just went to 5 and below and bought a ton of filler gifts and got him 2 big presents but he loved them all) with a gift bag full of goodies. Everything was thoughtful and a little silly. I had a "boy to man" theme which started with a "Birthday Boy" ribbon and ended with a fancy man watch. He was really excited after that. I made him the card I posted above. I bought him a bag with a dragon on it last year and we decided to save the environment we'd just reuse the bag for our birthdays. I then decided every year he'll get a Birthday Dragon drawing on a homemade card. I wish the idea was original but it was actually my best friend's grandfather who inspired me. He used to give his wife homemade cards with himself as a pig, it's hard to explain but incredibly cute. I'm not the best artist but I think he's cute.

I'm not sure what was magical about the day... Maybe because I'm just grateful we're together. We've both been through so much and he is just endlessly supportive. I feel like a new person... A new old person, ha. What I mean is that I kinda feel like I'm living the life I wanted to before I became jaded by love and reality after college. That cheerful optimistic fun girl of my youth has reemerged after all the bullshit. I spend so much more time smiling than crying these days.

Truth is alcohol is a hell of a drug... If used correctly it's wonderful for celebrating but for so long I used it for coping. I've stopped drinking and have started to remember how much fun life used to be just having fun and not wishing I was drunk so I'd have a better time. It really helps that all my friends have realized alcohol is bad too. We go for long walks and coffee and tea. The girls and I have decided to have 4 designated parties (one in each season) so we can have a party and get drunk responsibly without over doing. I guess for a while we were all over doing it. My one friend was 135 pounds and after she stopped drinking she dropped down to 110. Seriously it's unbelievable how unhealthy alcohol is for you. Who knew? Haha, just kidding. I have a great time just hanging out with people and talking. I have the best conversations with my friends. It's nice to be able to speak intellectually with people.

My life has become enriched in so many ways. I guess that's why today was so great. Anthony opened his presents, we went out to a late lunch, we got his watch re-sized then went for a walk. He and his mom went out to dinner just the two of them and then I picked him up for some birthday coitus, haha.

Driving back I got a little upset. I'm ready to settle down with him. Not necessarily with a house and kids and marriage but at least moving in with each other and having it move towards the rest of that and I keep getting green and red lights from him.

"Listen..." He paused for a full minute, "I love you. It's not that I don't want to be with you, me not being ready is not reflective of you. You're amazing. I love you...more than anything, probably. Sometimes when I have a bad day or am upset all I want to do is talk to you about it, even if it doesn't always help." I pouted, "That's not what I mean, sometimes my problems can't have easy solutions but I want to talk to you, I want to share... I've never had that before in my whole life. I'm not stringing you along, I just want to have a good job and be mentally and emotionally healthy before I drag you into that chapter of our lives. But you make me happier than anything or one and I never forget for a second about how much I love you. I am constantly reminded of you in my everyday life. You make me feel special and you make me happy. I love being with you. It's not fair of you to think otherwise."

He's absolutely the sweetest person. I'm so lucky. We had a magical day because we genuinely love each other so much. We did nothing fancy or out of this world we just appreciated one another.

I have festivities planned for the rest of the weekend. Oh yes, we are taking out a page of the book of Spoiled Tania and celebrating the whole weekend long. Friday is dinner with his sister and her boyfriend, Saturday celebrating our friends and Sunday my parents want to take him out. Busy busy busy but super duper happy :)