Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Always Leave Room for Zen

"I'm not the same person." I feel like I've said this 300 times to every one in the last week. Possibly more. Life has been stressful, frustrating and exhausting so today I took the day for myself. I had a gift card for a massage and decided to take advantage of it. It was exactly what I needed. 90 minutes of complete serenity emptied out my brain and let me see everything for what it is. I'm not concerned about anything anymore- worrying is completely fruitless. All I can do is continue being the person I am and hope that people will love me anyway. I can't make everyone happy so I just have to worry about making myself happy. Others' frustrations are not my frustrations.
I'm going to spend my time and energy living my life and creating boundaries with everyone. I feel like I was letting myself get sucked down the rabbit hole for a second there. I need to stay strong and just remember to put what I want first. I love my family but their view of me being a damsel in distress isn't going to change until I show them that's not who I am and I don't need their protection.
I just want to live my life and during that massage I think something in my brain clicked and I really finally got it. Here's what I have to do... LIVE MY LIFE. The end. There's no smoke or lights or hoops to jump through. I will just continue wanting what is best for myself and then doing that. I'm excited to live the life I want. I feel like I broke some type of chain within me which I didn't know was tethering me down.
Everyone in my family is getting massages for special occassions from now on. These jerks need some moments of Zen in their lives.

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