Sunday, August 7, 2011

Just what I want

Talking to Christina has been therapeutic in many ways. I know it's really silly of me and those who love me are just expecting me to get hurt but this is the first time I've been talking to her that there has been a positive for me. Through talking to her I have realized how wonderful I have it now. My man is actually a man who is kind and gentle and considerate. Talking to her I realize how unhappy I was and how unhappy I would still be with him if she had never come into the picture. So I suppose im grateful she wanted him so bad. I was set free for someone more malleable.
But I also began remembering things I didn't want to and remembering how Derek would put me down and call me a bad girlfriend. So Friday I set up to give Anthony a wonderful day. I took him out to dinner (he objected me paying the whole time, even after dinner) I bought him presents (which he insisted were not necessary) and gave him a long sexy massage. After everything he held me close, as he prefers it, and I began getting emotional. He asked why and I finally confided that I felt like I was a bad girlfriend who didn't do enough for him which he immediately denied. After disagreeing for a little he finally said, "stop! You're everything I want. You're all I want. And you're so nice it's actually a flaw! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I love you." there wrapped up into one breath was everything I needed to hear. "you know just how to dissipate my crazy" "for the most part I love your crazy... A little." and he held me close until we both drifted off into sleep.
He's so perfect. I woke up to kisses and making love which is always a lovely way to wake up... Well depending on the situation, lol. And the whole drive home he was kissing my hand and joking to stop paying attention to the road and look into his eyes. Imagine. Being loved the way I only dreamed about in fairytales. I'm never going to let the kid go. I have so much fun with him. He's honestly become my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything, and I do. I am completely honest and he embraces that and appreciates that more than anyone else. Almost 8 months but I just know I want this to be my last relationship. I've had a taste of ugly hate and painful heartache. And the truth of the matter is that Christina WAS much better to Derek... But he still ended up beating her... Twice. So I guess he is the crazy one after all.
As I write this I just witnessed a woman in labor and a frantic new father to be... I want that to be Anthony one day. I can't wait. Back to work... :)

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