Thursday, June 30, 2011

Anger Bubble

Frustrating is the fact that people tell me things that I don't want to know. More frustrating? Getting woken up at 4 am on Sunday morning for no good reason which leads me back to the first of people telling me things I don't want to know. Ha, whatever. I can't blame people, I mean I used to be in the exact same position. Took me a long time to get out actually. I would still be there if I didn't nearly die. But the fact of the matter is there comes a time when you decide whether you want to stop being a victim. I've made that decision and since then have ceased to see myself as someone not worth nice things. Child abuse, sexual abuse and then physical domestic abuse? Is she blind to the pattern? Or is she so stuck in following it's path that she can't get out of the cycle? The truth is I don't care. But why tell me you think his family is fake and his step mother is crazy and you don't want to be in the relationship anymore and you're still in love with your best friend just to turn around and go back to the same damn situation. I guess the difference is that I'm not her. I don't need to cross boundaries and try to stir up drama because in the end you dig your own grave. You want to be phony? It's a waste of energy but I don't care. The funny thing is that I REALLY don't care. I'm just a firm believer in my time not being wasted and the time wasted on that exhausting Sunday should have been focused on my amazing boyfriend whom I was sharing an anniversary with (don't worry folks it was still amazing. We laughed and cried and held each other... then he made love to me. I cried afterwards, it was a life changing love session haha, so nothing was lost) . But in the end what does all this teach me? That I need to stop feeling so god damn altruistic and just let people crash and burn on their own accord. I was fooled this time but next time I won't be there. Not because I don't care but... oh wait... yeah that is why. I've given advice and told who I could and I come from having experience. One day they'll know I was right and that fact makes me feel at peace.
My life should be spent making sure I am as happy as can be. Not fixing others when they get punched in the face. I didn't come running to any exes with my problems. The truth is he's a monster who preys on victims and she's a victim who searches for monsters to kill her. A great match. Enjoy cleaning his draws and paying for his trips. I'm off on vacation with my man who can afford his own ticket and even offered to pay mine... you know, a real man. I am no longer full of hate. I can move on with my life with a clear conscious knowing that I did everything I could. I am not subjecting myself to anymore poison. Back to living my awesome life before this little blip of annoyance came along. The anger bubble is ruptured because in the end... I'm better than you.

No comments:

Post a Comment