Saturday, July 9, 2011

Stupid little girl

Today I've been doing tons of self reflection. I feel really angry. I was talking to my coworker and she was sharing her past relationships and then she said, "I laugh at how stupid I was then." I can't laugh at my past... I don't look at it and chuckle at how dumb I was I want to throw that stupid little girl off a cliff. To think I was willing to give up everything. Willing to pay off his student loans and not have my mother in the delivery room... It was all obscene. Pay his student loans because he payed for us to do things on dates... I tried paying for dinner the other night and Anthony refused. I expressed how annoying it was that he never let me pay and he said "well then you're gonna be annoyed. I'm gonna pay for things because that's how I was raise. Men do that. And you pop a baby out one day far far in the future... It's only fair." I laughed but honestly I'm gonna hope and pray every day that I marry this kid. Because everything he is is everything I want. I want to not only care for but also be take care of and Anthony understands that. My last relationship? That stupid little girl was okay with minimal amounts of affection and attempts. Hell no anymore. If im working hard then he better be working hard too. So I guess I may be angry at the stupid little girl of my past but at least I know I'm never going to be her again. "my friend got a penis tattooed between her boobs... At least your mistake wasn't permanent." said my coworker. How fucking true is that. I need to take that little girl aside call her dumb give her a hug and finally let her rest. Because I wouldn't be the woman I am today if I didn't learn the lessons she taught me. As moronic as she was. Anthony apologized again before he went to bed last night. "I never want you to be scared of me. I completely over reacted and I promise it will never happen again." Again I say I will marry this man :)

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